Monday, March 18, 2013

Dates On A Plane

It’s always been a fantasy life goal of mine to meet a handsome stranger on a plane. Over the past year I’ve been flying more (for work mainly but a little for pleasure) and this weekend on work trip to Denver it finally happened.

By the way, there is free wifi at Denver International Airport! Usually airports try to charge you at least $7 to connect for an hour so. Money Grab! So I was taking this opportunity to check my emails and do some tweeting while waiting for the plane to board. Eventually someone sat down in the empty seat next to me. I didn’t really pay any attention until this sexy masculine scented cologne started wafting my way.

For any guys who may be reading this, just in case you didn’t know, a good smelling man will make a woman want to rub her boobies all over you. At least it makes me feel that way.

Axe body spray isn't the best scent for men out there, but it's better than nothing

And then, out the corner of my eye I see him. Sitting next to me is the man of my dreams. In awe of the amount of sexiness in my presence I immediately stop typing, grab my bottled water off the floor and accidentally spill it on myself. Smooth? Not at all. A great conversation starter? HELL yes.

As we board the plane we chat about my lifelong battle with clumsiness, which leads to the getting to know you question and answer session. This guy, (referred to as Mr. Smile from now on) has an amazing white toothy smile, like something out of a crest commercial. I struggle reminding myself not to stare intently at his mouth.

Southwest Airlines has a punch-someone-in-the-face-and-knock-over-a-baby-stroller-to-sit-anywhere-you-can policy so Mr. Smile and I sit down next to each other. He puts my bags in the overhead bins for me and asks if I would rather have the window or the aisle seat. What a gentleman.

After we reach 10,000 ft. I pull out my tablet (that I rooted myself) and we talk nerdy tech stuff for a bit. Sadly I discover that I’ve lost my headphones, but Mr. Smile offers to share the left side of his earphones with me under the condition that we watch a decent movie together.

When the flight attendant comes over to ask what we’d like to drink she says what a cute couple we make.

Mr. Smile shoots me a glance and replies, “You know we met for the first time on a Southwest flight. We’re on our honeymoon now. Headed to Chicago and then to Paris

Clutching her heart shaped Southwest pin she sighed. I’ll be right back.

She brings us complimentary chardonnay (guess it’s the closest thing they had to champagne). Over the intercom system the captain congratulates the newlyweds in seats 18A and 18B and the guests on the plane all start clapping.

I am happily mortified

Mr. Smile leans towards me, his sexy man scent filling my lungs and lightly kisses me on the lips. I try to catch my breath as I almost melt out of my seat. And then suddenly the plane gives a rough jolt that throws me forward sending my stomach into my throat and my heart into afib.  

I wake up.

There is nobody sitting next to me. The flight attendant is telling everyone to remain seated as we coast to a stop and that we may now use our cell phones. Thank you for flying Southwest and welcome to Chicago.

It was all dream 

Monday, March 4, 2013

OK Cupid

The other night, over fried chicken and watermelon (j/k we were totally eating fois gras) one of my close friends and I were discussing this guy Blake that she had went out with on a couple of dates. They had met on an online dating site. He was really cute and very nice, but he was dumb as rocks. She just could not continue to see him.

Honestly I don't really see much of a problem with dating a dumb dude as long as they are cute. For example take Derrick Rose. Have you ever heard him speak? In most of his commercials his lines are kept to a minimum and I'm sure that's for the viewers benefit. He sounds slow. Not mentally handicapped slow, but simple multiplication slow.

I'm not a dating elitist. I don't think you need a Masters Degree, Nobel peace prize and a Grammy award to be datable. Of course it doesn't hurt that D. Rose is worth millions. But if you can't hold an intellectually stimulating conversation just be handsome and mysterious. It's sexy.

Basically my friend told me that I don't know what it's like out there in the dating world. Apparently its really hard to find someone. Maybe she has a point. I did get rejected by that cashier at Marshalls.

I'm not lucky enough (or unlucky if you're one of those glass half empty people) to have fallen in love and married my high school sweetheart. I didn't even have a high school sweetheart. The guy I went to the prom with ended up being bisexual (aka homosexual). Plus, once you leave school it's really hard to meet someone.

After college I had a period of 'dating myself time'. Basically nobody at work was suitable to date (read: attractive, funny or single) and I started to panic. Where am I going to meet someone?

T-pain might have been in love with a stripper, but personally I don't date guys I meet at clubs or public service workers which include:
Police Officers - They all look the same and have that "po'po look". Plus I don't need anyone judging me for wearing a shirt once and then returning it back to the store. That is semi-legal.
Military - No offense but they seem a little brainwashed. You have to be conditioned to make it in the military and all that discipline would drive me nuts.
Fireman - They are nice to look at, but I don't touch. Basically I don't want my boyfriend's face to get burned off. Is that selfish? I don't think so.

And I would rather not date actors. You never really know what you are getting with them. Are they really into me or are they just doing research for a part where a ~fill in the blank~ Bank Robber/Ex Convict/White guy dates a black girl? Most of the guys I've met that are in the acting business are either self centered, fake or insecure, if not all 3. The combination of auditioning, rejection and sometimes unwarranted praise can F a person up. Of course my aversion to dating people in these professions can go out the window if you have a nice smile and even nicer biceps.

On the other hand I love creative types. If you can play a guitar (especially with your toes), build a PC from scratch or take amazing photos, I just might fall in love with you. Extra points if you're into video production and/or you smell good.

So after much deliberation my friend and I decided that I would conduct a little experiment. I would set up a profile online and see how easy (or hard) it is to find a normal, datable person.

My Goals
1. Set up an online dating profile Check!
2. Find a friend
3. Find a pen pal
4. Find a date

Please let me in on any advice, do's/don'ts, precautions to take etc. Do you have any interesting/funny/horrific/inspiring online dating stories? In the mean time, Wish me luck!

*And before anyone gets upset, I respect all of the aforementioned professions and know people/have friends who have made a career out of them.There is nothing wrong with their line of work and I'm not saying I wouldn't consider dating someone that pays their bills through those means. Through my own personal experiences I've found that people in those positions are not preferable to me. But to each their own.